Toilet training
I know this is a topic that brings fear into most peoples hearts! You hear such horror stories or you hear people solving everything in 1 day, done!
But even if you are petrified at the thought of it, have started and it isn’t so fun or are just considering how to start. Here are a few ideas that might help.
With toilet training bear in mind, you are asking a child to change how they have done something their whole life. And as you can imagine that is scary and daunting for them and if as parents we are scared too, that doesn’t help them think ‘O this is going to be ok!’
So firstly as the parent or carer you prepare yourself first! Prepare yourself for accidents, prepare yourself that it’s going to get messy and prepare yourself that it will all happen just when you don’t want it to. Once you’ve got that sorted in your head, you’ll be able to help your child more. The first time I tried toilet training my little one, I wasn’t prepared myself and it didn’t work.
Next prepare everything you are going to need…
Pants - You’ll need lots of them and maybe go shopping with them. Explain what’s happening and then let them choose their pants.
Potty - You might want to use a potty or you may want to go straight to the toilet. In which case you can get a step and little toilet seats. My little one hated the potty and wanted to be like his Daddy so that’s what we did.
Lots of wet wipes or cloths - Helpful to clean up those little accidents
Water proof mattress protectors - to cover the sofa’s.
Lots of chocolate buttons or something you are happy to give as a reward
Visuals - Children can process what’s happening with visuals. Having a visual near by that explains what’s happening can help both of you. You can go through the steps together and at the end treat both of you and give both of you a prize of some chocolate buttons.
Lots of patience - You are going to have to think of a way to boost your own patience as you are going to need it.
First I think it’s good to have some sort of visual.
You can use the visuals as a way of preparing your child. Leave them up in the bathroom before you start training. Allow them to fully engage with it. Talk through it.
This was a visual created for a bit of an older child, but your visuals can have the different stages. You can reward for each stage or if they complete all of it, it’s completely up to you and you understand what parts your child is struggling with and reward completion of those parts.
Rewards
Children respond really well to rewards. It encourages them, spurs them on. And no you won’t have to be giving your 18 year old a chocolate button every time they go to the toilet, because the rewards support habit and routine forming.
Rewards can be immediate, like a chocolate button or you can give a sticker that works towards a bigger goal.
Again only you know what truly motivates your child. But set it up in the beginning and keep remembering to give the rewards. Be consistent.
You could start with an immediate goal and then when that is going really well you could move to working to a sticker chart with a bigger prize.
This was a reward chart I created for my little one. He loved dinosaurs, so that was fun, but he loved getting a sticker every time he went to the toilet.
Making it fun
Toilet training is hard. But if you can make it fun even better. It also eases the pressure.
Some of the things I tried and we both loved, were…
(Works better for boys) Draw a target on the back of the toilet seat with a white board pen, see if they can hit the target! This is messy, but boys love it!
Put a cupcake case in the potty and see if they can fill the cupcake case.
Put cheerios or something similar in the toilet and see if they can hit them (again better for boys).
A parent or carer could use a water pistol at the same time (this might be going too far).
Allow time
Toilet training can’t be rushed. So give it time. Allocate a block of time - take time off work or do it in the holidays. Don’t plan anything in that time apart from toilet training. Take the pressure off yourself and your child.
Problem Solving
Sensory overwhelm - Some children find it very difficult to start using the toilet or the potty. It is a completely different sensory sensation, than using a nappy. And some children can find this off putting.
Some ideas I have seen (not saying they work).
Cut a hole in a nappy, so they feel like they are using a nappy but actually they are doing a number two outside the nappy.
Sort wee’s first and get confident with that and enjoy the win before tackling number 2’s.
I bought a toy that my son really wanted and I kept it on a really high shelf and he was allowed to play with it for 10 minutes after doing a number 2. Then we would put it back on a high shelf. We were desperate as he really struggled. After about a week of consistency. He was allowed to keep the toy.
A lot of people say that if you start you can’t stop. In my experience. It was the best thing we did stopping and going back a few months later. During the few months break, we still kept talking about it and giving opportunities to use the toilet, but we were not intentional about it. By the time we went back, he and I were more ready!
Recently I worked with an older child who still finds it really tricky to use the bathroom. And we created a flow chart of what to do. This really helped reduce anxiety and frustration and everyone knew what was going to happen next. I do stress this type of thing is better with older children.
I think the key with all of this is communication. Communicate with the child what is going to happen and how it is going to happen.
Enable them to make decisions and empower them, that they are doing great! And also reward yourself.
You are all doing great!