ADHD type characteristics

First let me explain the title. We have fought a long battle to try and get an ADHD diagnosis for our child, and it seems to go nowhere. This is for a number of reasons that we don’t need to go into. But basically I may never get a piece of paper saying my child has ADHD, but it doesn’t mean that I am not going to support him. And the way we support them is in the same way you might help a child who is diagnosed with ADHD. You may also have a child who has ADHD characteristics but doesn’t meet the threshold for diagnosis or you may just have a child that is fast, lacks focus and gets easily distracted (sound similar!)

I have pulled my hair out with my child’s behaviour over the years, and maybe this may help you to keep some of your hair. These are just a few ideas we have come up with over the years that have helped and I have also used in my work as well.

Rewards and Praise before consequences

Now I am not saying here that your child should not face the consequences of their behaviour, but before it gets to that point try rewards and praise. Children with ADHD respond so much better to praise and rewards than shouting and consequences. I find in my not so great moments that when I do shout his behaviour gets worse and it spirals. So try some of these first as a preventative measure.

Marbles in a Jar

The key to rewards and praise is looking out for the good behaviour rather than always dealing with the not so great behaviour. Techniques like marbles in a jar helps you to focus on the good behaviour. So every time you see some great behaviour even if it is really small put a marble in the jar. Every morning empty the jar and talk about the jar together saying we want to see this jar full by the end of the day, can you do it? Seeing the jar full is in itself an intrinsic reward. If you wanted to up the joy, you could say that if the jar is full every day for 7 days we can have a small treat, which adds to the praise and rewards. This is so helpful for you as a parent/carer because it makes you look for the positive and over time your mindset will change. But it supports your child, because they are being praised regularly throughout the day rather than being told off a lot.

These next two examples are exactly the same principle just different ways of showing it.

This needs some preparation, but it is colourful and fun! (Maybe best for slightly older children because of the use of magnets) Each pom pom has a magnet glued onto the bottom. The rainbow sheet which has been laminated is sitting on a metal baking sheet. Every time your child does some brilliant behaviour even if it was they said please or thank you. Put a pom pom on the rainbow. Can they fill the rainbow by the end of the day. You can download the rainbow print out below.

If your child is into lego or Duplo then use the Lego to make a tower. How big can the tower get? Fill a bowl with bricks every morning and see if you can use them all.

The important thing with this technique is not to take away. So if they show some not great behaviour then deal with that separately. This is all about rewards and praise.

Brain Breaks

Before entering into homework time or something that is going to require sitting still or focus. We have often gone on a run or walk first or before needing to sit still for a while we have been to the skatepark or the park first to burn off some of that excess energy. But particularly before homework time we go out for a walk. You can use this time to talk about the expectations you have for the homework time coming up, what you will do and how long it will take. But mainly this time is for letting off some steam before sitting down. It doesn’t always work, but I have noticed a difference when we have done it and when we haven’t. Or say you’ve gone to a wedding or round someone house, which isn’t completely set up for an active bean, then regularly go for a little walk outside. This will do you both the world of good and it takes the pressure off your child. We recently went to the theatre, it was an hour long show and instead of me expecting him to sit through it for the whole hour I set in my mind that at the half way point we would talk a short walk. The walk was 1 min, but that change of scenery and getting up completely settled him and he was able to enjoy the rest of the time.

Activity and Challenge

I also find that sometimes the best focus comes whilst he’s concentrating on something else at the same time. No I am not meaning watching a screen whilst testing timetables. But maybe jumping on the trampoline whilst shouting out the 3 timetables or during lockdown we took to reading a book whilst jumping.

I watched a programme once where a child played table tennis whilst revising for a history test. It may seem counterproductive to get them to do other stuff, but I think it takes the pressure off. It’s the same principle as using a fidget toy, but a whole body work out.

Where this type of thing isn’t possible, then fidget toys are brilliant. You can readily get hold of fidget toys on the high street now. Another great thing (again for older kids) is letting them have blu tac or play dough to play with whilst working or kinetic sand. Just gives them that outlet.

I guess what I am mainly trying to say is that in some ways it is better to embrace their ADHD characteristics instead of always fighting against them. There are times in life where you have to fight against them. But there are also times where you can work with them and it’s finding that balance.